I don’t really use emoji. I reckon it’s because I’m not down with the kids as they say, and because it doesn’t really fit with the curmudgeon vibe I’m trying so hard to cultivate.

There is however one emoji that I will break my rule for. If there is one emoticon that is hugely underrated it’s the laughing shit. The exuberant excrement. The carefree crap. The sunny stool. The merry manure.

Delighted diarrhoea

General surgeons are of course obsessed with stools. We get that warm and fuzzy feeling when a patient passes a proper stool after a bowel anastomosis and we damn near pop the corks when that paediatric faecal impaction starts passing little bits of concrete and plastic action figures.

My only complaint regarding the jolly jobbie is that it is a tad one-dimensional. All the other emoji are now available in a range of colours and shapes, so wouldn’t it be great if the pleasant poo followed suit? A black melaena stool emoji for bleeding peptic ulcers, white acholic stool for the jaundiced patient, green for traveller’s diarrhoea or mucoid stools, red for hematochezia… the possibilities are endless!

And while academics have been speculating for ages regarding what Mona Lisa is smiling about, the real question, in my opinion, is what is that laughing poo emoji laughing about??!?


Author: Scalpelista

My favourite Beatle is George Harrison My favourite Stone is Keith Richards (who else?!) My favourite Sex Pistol is Glen Matlock... no wait Steve Jones... ok, definitely Glen... and maybe Steve. I promise I operate better than I write.

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